I had the most amazing weekend. Coming Out Spanko showed at CineKink. I've been working on editing my video diary for so long. Going back and forth on whether it will be a feature. Or longer. But meanwhile showing it to almost noone. And then I just decided to take the first fifteen minutes of what I had come up with and submit it to the festival.

There's an Anais Nin quote where she talks about how when she published her diary, suddenly people connected to her on a whole new level. I'll find the quote sometime, but anyway, that concept was the main thread that motivated me through all the terror of going public with stuff that is 1. frank about kink and 2. just really really personal. Anyway, even this week, I was so terrified. And then it screened. And people laughed. At all the right spots. And then people were really really nice and said they could relate and I felt like it was such a beautiful departure point for a conversation. Which is really in contrast to the response to Naughty Garden, which is more erotic and starts a different conversation. Anyway. It was such an amazing experience and I was like, yes. If these are the conversations that are started, I am totally motivated to show more and finish my thoughts.

My movie showed in a line-up of some beautiful erotic movies. And it really made it clear to me how my work is just operating on a different level. Like, not that there's anything wrong with making erotic movies, but my intention is to explore something else. Something not about the act of kink, but about the "being" of kink. Or even the "being" of human, and the transgression of the limitations of shame.

Anyway, the weekend was so healing and wonderful. Starting even with the car trip up with Laura Teodosio, who produced Who's the Top? which won "best short" and was so beautiful and also very tender, wonderful and honest. I felt so honored by the response to my film. And I was also super-inspired by the documentary Call Me Troy. Thanks CineKink!